Monday, November 24, 2003

...I have been infected with gay - is there any hope for me?

Following my recent visit to the Astoria (G-A-Y) I have been aware of strange urges which, until today, I had been able to suppress. In the last 8 hours there has, however, been a significant worsening in my condition. My behaviour has become increasingly erratic and I am now forced to consider the possibility that I am ill.

The evidence:
8 pm - Watching an entire episode of "Monarch of the Glen" without vomiting, and without the words "wooden", "trite", "bland", "shite" or "even Richard Briers deserted this sinking ship" ever crossing my mind.

10:30pm - Downloading the Celine Dion cover of Cyndi Lauper's classic "I drove all night" and listening to it on repeat for nearly 30 minutes. Doing this wearing headphones to enhance the panning effect of the filter sweeps. Loving the way the lo-fi bassy backing track contrasts with Celine-baby's shrill, clear tones.

1:45am - Watching Trisha and thinking to myself what a wonderful, inspirational person she is.

1:50am - Catching myself holding my cigarette with my left hand, over my left shoulder and holding my left elbow with my right hand, then leaning forward to reach an ashtray that is right in front of me.

1:55am - Re-reading my comments about Manchester and wondering if I'd been a bit harsh.


Can anyone out there save me from this terrible fate?